Annalyn, 24, appeared fine to her office colleagues. She performed her work, joined company activities, and followed the 9-to-5 routine without a hitch. Her friends thought she had coped up well with death of her husband two months ago. But they were wrong. Annalyn was slowly crumbling from the inside.
One day, her colleagues heard her yelling obscenities from her cubicle. They watched in horror as she, without any provocation, ripped out the PC monitor and smashed it on the floor. With a convoluted expression on her face, she violently clawed anyone who tried to approach her. She laughed, then cried, then ran amok around the office.
Her husband’s death was too much for her.
She snapped and eventually lost her mind.
In another part of town, 30-year old Lisa struggled with the sudden death of her baby girl in a tragic car accident. She became inconsolable. She locked herself in her room and preferred solitude. One morning, her husband woke up only to see Lisa’s lifeless body hanging from the ceiling.
She had committed suicide.
The death of a loved one and the accompanying bereavement remain one of the most life-changing experiences for most of us. We languish in grief and pain, lost and unable to find the needed comfort. Unless handled well, the resulting emotional turmoil can cause adverse effects.
Here are ways you can cope with the death of a loved one:
1.) LET OTHERS HELP YOU
Dealing with grief from the death of a loved one is a process that takes time and hard work. Let others who understand your grief help you. Turn to them for solace and comfort.
“It was hard for me to accept the death of my parents,” says Mary Rose, 31, an English language tutor. “I sought the assistance of my friends who gave me their unflinching support throughout those difficult times. Their help saw me through my period of bereavement. Now, I’m ok.”
2.) ACCEPT GRIEF AND PAIN WITHIN ONE YEAR
During the first year of bereavement, you will experience loss and misery with anniversaries, occasions, birthdays, etc. Accept grief. Be patient with it.
“At first I felt awkward and withdrawn every time my husband’s birthday comes along, or during our anniversaries, “says 45-year old Leah, who lost her husband to throat cancer. “ But I realized that, for the sake of our children, I should take a hold of life and move forward. It was hard but I managed to put everything in proper perspective. Now, our family had gotten over this grief.”
If you cannot overcome bereavement within one year, something is wrong with you. It would be best if you see a psychologist.
3.) KEEP BUSY
“I embark on a crusade of helping and empowering mothers who have lost their kids, “says a well-known Pinay actress and celebrity who lost her own son.
“This activity keeps me busy and helps me deal with my own grief.”
Dealing with death is much like riding on a bicycle. The moment you stop, you fall down. The trick is to keep pedaling. Keeping yourself busy despite the odds eases up your grief.
4.) FIND NEW FRIENDS AND MEMORIES
The death of a loved one leaves us painful memories. Learn to live with lingering memories, but try to find new ones.
“My husband’s death was a terrible setback to my life,” says 25-year old Joanne. “It seemed the end of the world and I have not the will to go on living. Then I met Mike who had been supportive of me. After three years, I married him and we are now happy and have two kids. “
(SIDEBAR)
Ways You Can Help Others In Their Time of Bereavement
a.) Give a listening ear.
Grieving family members experience anger and confusion. Be there and lend a listening ear.
b.) Be kind and sensitive to their needs.
c.) Visit them regularly
d.) Treat them out to dinner despite their reluctance to do so.
e.) Run errands for them. The lawn needs to be mowed, the aquarium water needs to be replaced, and their kids need to be fetched at school. Do these simple acts for them.
f.) Call them by phone and ask how they are doing. If you have a cell phone, send them encouraging or funny messages. You can also send emails, or postcards.
g.) If the bereaved is single, bring her back to social circle after a year of bereavement. Attend parties or do ballroom dancing together.
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